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Taste Test/Script
''Opening Sequence'' :Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir. :Amir: And I bet you I can eat this microphone. :Jake: No no no no. :(Amir chokes) :Jake: Oh god, no no! :Amir: Okay. Episode :(Jake and Amir are sitting at a table with some food on it. Jake finishes putting a blindfold on Amir.) :Jake: Alright. Do you know why you're here? :Amir: Oh sheesh y'all, t'was a dream! :Jake: Okay. ---- :Jake: You crying? :Amir: No! ---- :Jake: I'm gonna give you a blindfolded taste test, see if you like some new food, and hopefully we can expand your diet. :Amir: Okay, I do expand it already, so. I eat mo' and mo' chicken noogets every day. ---- :Jake: Here we go. (Feeds Amir a piece of pineapple) :Amir: Och. Blach. Oh my god. :Jake: How is it? :Amir: Tastes like a cold and sweet... like a wet chicken nugget or something. :Jake: That's a pineapple. :(Amir spits it out onto the floor) :Amir: Needs barbeque sauce. ---- :Jake: Alright, this is kinda like a chicken nugget: grilled chicken. ---- :(Amir is holding the grilled chicken) :Amir: The shape is good. Honestly, the shape is good, but I'm gonna put it on the floor for now. We'll file it under 'F' for floor. ---- :Jake: Man. :(Amir tries some water and spits it onto the floor) :Jake: Oh! :Amir: Oh, god! What is this, poison?! :Jake: It's water! :Amir: It's so... not salty. ---- :Amir: Alright, next thing better not be green because I swear I'm allergic. :Jake: That's impossible. :Amir: Yeah I thought so too, until I ate that moldy piece of bread last week. Remember? ---- :(Jake is putting down the water) :Amir: Uhhhhhh... :Jake: Don't be sad, it's fine. It's fine. ---- :Amir: Alright, untie me you fool! :Jake: You're not tied up. :Amir: Oh. Yeah. My hands feel really weak. :Jake: It's probably your diet. :Amir: Yeah, probabl—well, definitely my diet. ---- :Amir: Alright, just put it in my hand and I'll put it in my mouth. :Jake: Fine. :(Jake puts a piece of broccoli in Amir's hand and he throws it away) :Jake: You're not even gonna try to be discreet, huh? :Amir: Nay. ---- :Amir: Oh my god, I'm blind! :Jake: You're blind''folded''. :Amir: No, it's even darker here than yooj! :Jake: Try opening your eyes. :Amir: Okay, I'm not an idiot, okay, it's not—ah. :Jake: What did you do? :Amir: Uh, nothing. I just adjusted something, nothing you told me to do. Bitch. ---- :Amir: Wanna just chill in here for a little while and talk smack about Jeff? :Jake: So you forgot why we're here in the first place. :Amir: I think it's quite obvious I have. ---- :Amir: Ready. :Jake: Ready, here you go. (Puts the chicken in Amir's mouth, or rather, just between his teeth) :Amir: Yummy! :Jake: That one good? :Amir: Yeah, supa. :Jake: You like that one? :Amir: It's a good one. :Jake: That's a good one. You like it a lot. :Amir: Yeah. :Jake: Put it in your mouth, all the way. :Amir: Nah. :Jake: Put it in your mouth all the way and eat it. You're not chewing it. You're not chewing it. You're not doing anything. :(Amir spits it out) :Amir: Well it tastes like garbage! ---- :(Jake is holding a chicken nugget) :Jake: Chicken nugget. Do you think I was gonna feed this to you accidentally? :Amir: I don't know what you're talking about, so. :Jake: Alright, well, here we go. (Feeds Amir a cauliflower) :Amir: Mm. Yummy. :Jake: You like that? :Amir: Yeah. :Jake: That's cauliflower, man. Amir? ---- :(Amir is choking Jake on the table) :Amir: I f**king trusted you you son of a bitch!